Here are some quotes from the book Love Unleashes Life. Chapter 2 The Disposition of a Good Arguer - pg. 17
"Love makes demands upon us. To love someone means that from time to time you will be required by that love to tell someone something that they would rather not hear.
Likewise, when sharing uncomfortable truths with people about abortion, we should remember those words. Of course, any way we can soften the hard things we have to say, we should. One way to do that is by narrating what you are about to do, saying things such as,
- "Because I care about you, I want to be honest with you. . . "
- "What I want to share with you is hard to say, but I believe you deserve to know. . . "
- "I want what's best for you, and if I don't tell you something I know, that you don't know, but would want to know, I would feel I've failed you as a friend. . . "
When imparting difficult truths if can be helpful to think of this analogy:
Imagine you wake up in a pitch-black dark room - so dark you cannot see your hand in front of your face. You start to move around but you bump into things You don't know what's in the room as you don't know how you got there. What you need is some light.
Now imagine all of a sudden the lights are flicked on. BUt these aren't ordinary lights - they are high-beam movie studio quality spot lights. What would your first reaction be?
"Ouch!! That hurts! Turn them off!"
All that time you wanted - needed - the light, but when you got it you cried for it to go away.
John 3:20 tells us, "For everyone who does evil hates the light and does not come to the light lest his deeds should be exposed." In a world where millions of the youngest of our kind are killed through abortion annually, these are times of death and darkness. It is our job to bring forth a way of living that embraces life and light - but because that is so different from what our culture is currently used to , the "intensity" and "pain" of this light may cause some in the darkness to cry, "Go away!",. Although people may seem to reject the light they actually don't. What they reject is the transition to the light. It's not our job to avoid the transition - that can't be helped, is is our job to journey with them through the transition, knowing is is the loving thing to do."
Love is about wanting the other's good, not about wanting them to feel good. So if we truly care about people that means we will share truths with them that are for their good, even if those truths don't necessarily make one feel good.
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The Power of Questions - Pg. 13, 14a
Asking questions has an effect on the minds that do the asking - but also on the minds that do the answering. It's often only when we're asked to explain something that we realize whether we have answers and whether those answers make sense.
Questions have power. They can set us on a journey looking for answers we preciously didn't know. Or, they can draw out of us answers that, deep down, we did know but hadn't acknowledged until the opportunity arose from a questions.
If this tactic of questions is so transformational, it shouldn't surprise people of faith that Jesus embraced it too.
In Luke 10:25, Jesus is approached by a lawyer, a scholar of the law who asks Him, "teacher what shall I do to inherit eternal life? And Jesus wisely asks questions. "what is written in the law? How do you read it?"
Instead of getting onto a soap box and pushing information into the lawyer, Jesus asks questions and draws information out of the lawyer. In doing so, if the lawyer has any objections, he'll ultimately be arguing with himself.
This was a communication strategy Jesus began well before His thirties. Luke's Gospel recounts the story of 12-year-old Jesus being accidentally left behind by Joseph and Mary in Jerusalem during Passover.
"After there days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions" (Luke 2:46.)
What was Jesus doing? Listening and asking questions. And when Jesus employed this strategy, the Scriptures tell us, "all who heard Him were amazed at His understanding and His answers" (Luke 47).
Questions lead the questioner to information. Questions lead the answerer to clarity. Questions create an atmosphere of respect where people listen to one another, and that leads to understanding.
Seek to Understand
In order to understand, we need to listen deeply to what the other person says. If people see that we have a strong mind and a soft heart, they'll be more likely to dialogue with us and consider what we have to say. It is imperative that pro-life conviction not override pro-life compassion because is is not so much about winning the debate as it is about winning hearts"
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Whose power? Page Page 17
"When we enter into conversations, a vital question for each of us to consider is this: "have I invited God along. Am I running on human strength or Divine? Have I prayed that I would decrease so that God may increase? Have taken time for God to work in me before I take time to do His work?
We encounter people for such a brief moment compared to a lifetime, and in some cases, never see them again. This fact should serve to remind us of our littleness in comparison to God's greatness. Further, it should be a sobering reminder to us of our influence to do great good or great evil- as someone once sad to me, " even the tiniest drop of food color can change the color of water." Since even our brief encounters can have a permeating effect on people, we should ground them in prayer to have the most positive impact."
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If you don't have your own copy yet, I would encourage you to get one! These are all thoughts to help us improve the manner in which we communicate. But it continues with very practical tips for asking questions, communicating through stories, and responding to tough objections. I'll try to share more periodically when I have time!
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